its nice cool morning. last night i really painful when i dreamed of the suffering of my baby and my Royal. i envisaged the dictator of China devised a conspire, let my alone spend at will while my expending all at cost of my family's fixed income. if i eat and play well,then they suffered lost and pain. the authority surveillance it and only me don't know the plot. the imaging i saw many times in my distressed time before fall into asylum, i never afford to see my Royal suffering, and that let me fight on 2 front lines and broke me apart several times. it drizzled since dusk just after i visited toilet and sat in the front yard of my dad's house and started to sing. it lasted when i busy in night to claiming myself another facebook account, benzillar land. i decided in dream that return to Qiqihar to care baby soon after it turns daytime. but after woke up the anxiety decreased and my faith in the Mightiest God resumes. i know that God wouldn't let my Royal under his shine suffer the evils the demon in China exerts, God wouldn't let me in dark any more helplessly. if he want to alert me something, i can know but usually not great fear or distress. the most time of following God should be joy and peace.
its a nice morning now. i can anticipate some sunshine later. rain day really beautiful and let me productive. i know Masheng for whom i stayed here waiting for 4 months likes to introduce girl lǔ to me, let me review her love in the past years in the rain. the night before last night, i told baby my girls prepared villas in Taibei, Beijing, Shanghai, Wuhan, Nanjing, for our gathering to come. he giggled and likely his mother, ema, also listening. baby these days yet don't want to talk me online.
its a long road leading me to God's shine, but not a slow way to God. decided to follow God not always peaceful, sometimes it can rock/torn u out of track, like the several moments my heart torn by imagery dilemma in which my beloved&myself can't move or respond but just suffering pains of helplessness. they r all God's show on me before i find the way toward his door. God loves true love, and true lover. like the bible says, there is only spirit in the world. anything just a load of the spirit.
ok, its a nice morning to disclose my distress, and difference a faith in God brings. i always in need to declare, that i forever follow God, no matte how the seeing and delusion how can persuading my urgent action to save my beloved. i love God, the only creator of Universe and the Mightiest. glory forever belongs to him and never a devil can leave a smog on it. i never want to live in fear and unbalanced.
below is a reply i wrote on Jun 5, 2009, in answer of an inquiry from a site, ThisIsDiversity, about my some opinion on China surveillance. i glad to see emerging chance to be opener.
Doug Cress suggested that I contact you. My name is Julia Garrison and I am ThisIsDiversity's Special Features Reporter. I would love to learn more about your situation as a journalist in China: the topic of internet censorship is one that I find extremely problematic. It would be great to get your story on this highly debated issue so that I could write an article informing people around the world about what is happening in your country.
What kind of restrictions are placed on Journalists in China?
i m not a journalist, i worked once for a state-owned enterprise and work in its cable tv branch, designing heading and caption. i never got any promotion even i think my work was marvellous. gradually i got clear the invisible constrain cast on me. after a dispute with the director of the department, i got kicked from my professional position, instead i was assigned a job in the title of "temporary worker", one reason why i was not laid off was in China enterprises not encouraged to do so, but i think deeper review is that the state intelligent want to keep me in cage to observe. now i work full time on cyberspace, with my first domain, be21zh.org at http://www.be21zh.org , i got 3 years ago.
China has now 3 main portals in its Internet service. 2 built by returned Chinese graduate or post-graduate from American universities, ie. sina.com and sohu.com , in my view they offer nothing but exotic/vulgar news. another is built in Guangzhou, southern China, by a Chinese graduated within China. all of them in my view quite flat. they never die, unlike yahoo or those startups in US. they services, like email, blog, album, alumni, none deserve a compare with that of American isp, but never one can imagine their quit. for in China, most important is u granted to live by the authority, but not u r better survived.
there is no news in my view in China, for almost all medias belong to the state, and through state-owned enterprise and affiliate office to the government departments, most Chinese don't have the freedom of finding a alternative job in free job market, which only belong to peasants work temporarily in City to build or maintain the less bright part of the life of city(even in this market peasants were yet fined). anyone in mainland China lives in fear and insecure for their life and living decided by the higher cadre and finally the state, which in fact a dictator with a police mind set. in fact, in most common people's view, the journalist in China never enjoy the respect they should or does in freedom world, for most people know their job is a kind of brag of officer among Chinese social ladder. they work in boring and planned, and earn some additional money, like quite some positions in China society which breeds bribery rampant, from paid news, nothing creative or independent, nor respectable/responsive.
In your experience, how does the average Chinese citizen react to the restrictions placed on Journalists?
most Chinese just endured and waiting for a hitchhike toward a better politically architectured new China. they learned from generations that the leader and first out-standing risk most, they kept themselves distant from the bureaucrat which can profane and absorb any gifted mind, charging their life for thousand years in China history, with envy and hatred. and quite some part of the mob in Chinese society was bought by the ruling squad and live in abnormal psychological set and darkened belief. that likely why in China recent history they chose violence rather than God. they immersed themselves in the virtual potent from group or blood links, to evade the natural call of mercy upon unfair and bully and indifferent pervading in nowadays China mainland. in some gauge Chinese in mainland don't have average, the government these years spent a lot to buy services in rural area, in student group, in youth, with state resource to divide the previous wild hatred class. in some ways Chinese people in mainland now quite and only recognize the green paper, the money, that can improve their life a bit and only a bit, for any further plan unstable, just like the upper building and the doctrine, both based on disappearing smoke-alike clouds of lies.
What are the consequences of Journalists who speak out?
the government tighten the spread of news of its victims. quite some cases well-known were journalists in southern China media reporting death as result in government's failure got fired or separate in glass house of alien. there is no bone nor backbone at all in China journalists or journalism. punishment never disclosed. the afford from the victims and all invisible constrains cast on them, never can spread out to social commonsense nor turn clear. that's rightly the effect of terror the dictator want to exert.
Do you know of any journalists that have been censored by the Chinese Government?
first, there is very rare in Chinese licensed journalists who still had the self-responsibility for the right, for the independence. second, if there is standout, u don't know, for that forever their last struggle before their free fall into noname.
What kinds of bans or restrictions have been placed on internet use and what, if any, reasons does the government give for these restrictions?
every computer in Internet cafes within China mainland with their own watch dog, every web accessed equipments registered and under the surveillance, with their only id. if there is something clear in the dictating country like China mainland, that's the only one: everyone, men or thing, has its individual secret log, maintained and focused by the dog dominated country, with its ruling hand.
How do you get around the restrictions? Do you think China will change its policies?
years ago i tried proxy and sometimes work. but these days the technology adopted by China Internet cop more and more stronger and failed more and more proxies. the machine dog team boast its tech to apply for its bonus bone from the dog-minded dictator, so it wouldn't loose its reign, never, before their total collapse.
What is your goal for China regarding free speech?
i live in God's shine, and never worry the future of China in my best wish. God saves and only he has the final word. i live with peace in the view of the end of the dirty state power theft. they can be also included in God's set for China's march toward ONE World within he glads.
How does your faith in God relate to this goal?
i in depth belief of God, Christian God, i was educated from distress of love with a beautiful tall Chinese collegian. i was educated by spiritual ebook written by American. i know now i was chosen to follow my fate, to resume his glory, to resume my ancestor's glory, on this old land. i can be meaningless like a wind or breeze, i can be weighted as the highest monument people and people to arrive had to raise their heads to watch. i don't assert my deed in the world, but i assert i forever in shine.
How do the restrictions on journalists and internet censorship relate to the Tiananmen Square massacre that occurred on June 4, 1989?
u can google, which also under surveillance in China and bring less result page than u can. a google group at https://groups.google.com/group/fans i can mention, even quite trifle, but u can read complains and curses upon the surveillance and 6.4 special blockage, if u can read Chinese. even in the group, there is i guess spy from the state intelligent.
BTW, i want post this email to my blog, at http://benzillar.blogspot.com .i can delay posting after u make usage of it. i wait for ur response and do it before next Monday, in ur curtsy.