16/11/20151st snow of winter 2015, Qiqihar. this dusk arrives my dorm when I napped in boring. ICBC sms urged me to pay back overdue credit in £5 for my family's localphone bill. I previously received and paid 1000rmb at once hoping it will cleared automatically. I now buzzed the bank's phone service and got known I had to clear 2000rmb more before I can order the bank paying foreign currency after PRC currency. I have only 1000rmb at hand so I sms my kid brother who has a small workshop and has foreign currency in business to help me clear my English debt. his sms arrived during my nap, like his mean style first investigate my usage even such a small amount, £10. I felt tasteless for dorm canteen's dinner after half hour emptily waiting my brother's help, and half way left to withdraw only 1000rmb from PSBC credit to return ICBC. the I jogged routinely. my breath in the winter first time freezed above my lips and kept me wiping. with so lovely pure white world, I felt blessed. after returned to dorm, I read an article about Russian, ie. the Soviet committed large scale rapes on battle field it won and undisclosed. the tyrant, Stalin, even abused his young wife and likely murdered her. that reminds me of gay's attitude toward woman, and long time no sex life results my possible insensitive upon woman's feelings. I recently really upset, even raged by son's mom's frequent scorns and despisement during my weekends visits my son. I felt the woman lack of due violent lessons to be such a bitch. God, reinforce me with merit of respecting women, instill confidence and patience upon my new family anticipated so long, my beloved girls. this night is my blogging rarely not in day time, save me from hopelessness during hard time of financial and emotional. coming year end helps me paying back my credit more on my own, free me from burden of my despicable relatives and alumni. bring me sooner my Royal China and my second child for the future of Empire of China. thx, dad God.
Photo Description: snowing night QRRS front square and training people after work over. 1st snow of winter 2015 not so heavy but next dawn will tells the scale.
13/11/2015dreamt of survival training. in backyard of campus, with my Nankai Univ alumni entered a wasteland when we tried hard to search for water, food and solving puzzles. Chen Xinjian singled out hiding in a shelter and made progress in philosophical readings. a strange classmate used his flag language communicated with a far end mountain and found rescue. a poor elder shitted on my shirt as trick so I had to tolerent him harmlessly. then we found breakthrough to escape the dumpsite and back to dorm area in the campus. then dreamt again trapped and a teacher taught mathematics. gradually I felt hard to follow and asked classmates to help but didn't work. most of alumni have difficulties but some brilliant minds grasping. I felt so frustrated and woke up. these days waiting for my second intel nuc, after successfully installed first one painlessly. I just feel insatiably upon computing portable, and I can make my research double profits with copying first trophy. this one much expensive with more powerful cpu, larger ram and ssd. its price almost triple as the first one, but I hope It rewards me that I can try some old games on it besides heavy office tasks. credit issuer banks friendly didn't warn me of over-withdrawal, likely year end bonus in its anticipation same as mine. with the order I previously shifted my first nuc to my son's usage, shown him how is home building step by step, rather than his mom's pure poverty in decades, when nothing improved in home hospitality, only bare shabby table and stools for her prey likes CCP and PRC's orthodox, esp. its education beauracracy compensated China non-constructive instritution since Open Policy but just for the ruling's teeth and mouth, her class students summoned forth for homework and tutorial with charging years by years. my son's mom's mindset is Islamic: suffering, zero accumulation but scattered predating. their life just means killing for living, never planned, systematically social gathering and distribution, no progressive achievement in pattern learning and integration, this render her tuition always screams scenario like kids. she indeed these years treats my son and me like pupils, scorns, rages, compulsive exiles, etc. unstable emotional and trifle facts, like nowadays Arab on world stage. she is a terrorist indeed, a muslim in guise. with mounting digital gears in 2015, I hopefully taught my son Christian world of accumulative innovation, holy plentiness, and constant building with cherish and self-esteem. God instills mercy among us, urges sustaining before change. God teaches obedience and dignity in every common person. with merit of inheriting, our society grows and enrichs.
God, dad, pl bring me sooner my Royal China to sustain the momentum China gains since Ming Dynasty under my ancestor. bring me new family to cultivate flourish forest. thx for message in this blog, and grant us financial capacity to have a joyful new year within months.
4/11/2015dreamt of aimless. in dawn dream I again lonely dwelt in railway station. 2 women likely proxy there arranging their cargos, mainly clothes, transferring plan, while I tried my best to prepare different plans for versatile future scenarios, like jammed textbooks for exam. these days dreamt less clearer, and sad for burdensome credits.witness so many people enjoy their lives while I brewed as penalty for lifestyle we enjoyed so far, I even felt a bit bitter and unfair. I reached out to a alumna of Nankai Univ but she treated me despicable, promised buzzing me back to let me hang the phone but never hear from her since. I sent her 2 sms later, list my financial data persuading her loan, but never answered. my happy time reuniting my son weekends also under deprivation, his mom tentatively arranged him more activities driving my son away from me.God dad, maybe its time to save expenses for dealing debts to bank but I so much enjoyed expense with aid of credit card hanging out my son.
recent news made me sadder. China should first cover all its citizen social welfare, identified whole society as national object, responsible to care its people's lifetime wellbeings, end separation and enslave of peasants and miniority, which agonized, humiliated and dissolving Chinese society so long, before allow again any couples to have 2 babies, recently modified outlaw to shift from one child prohibition, once and forever empower civilian has full authority over their nature privacy of family. resume freer birth policy just protect bureaucracy's interest to produce more human cattle to feed the greedy predator, who never allow least proper defence of their prey, no freedom of speech, no gun trade, no coordinated gathering. China now in the between of united society in Christian, and wilder predating Arabian in which everyone scattered except their fake God, where killing/torment is a norm and no standard for social unit equal, harmony of caring and love, where hate/fear in everyone against everyone exaggerates turbulent wilder birth rate and male supreme female while ironically the latter weight average there. social dissection catalyizes compete of human weapons, brings far more dangers and wastes among human than necessary, devastated nature resources and renders themselves helpless and self-destructive beasts. only mercy and mutual love confined society in Christian saves human from animal, from climate catastrophe on earth. without obligation for the life of the earth, without obligation of earth of life.
another news about elemental school abuse, frequently occurs in sinking evil PRC, never addressed by state but led me dwell. sinking CCP original from violent mob, and now it turns more harmful toward innocent human lives, including pupils. teachers half as bureaucracy, viciously predating students. the dark of China society sadden any mind independent.God, dad, save China youth against massive brain washing, immersive selfish, aggressive exploits, which even obvious in most Chinese colleges and universities.
dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls when we able to love and productive. bring peace and warmth in dying Chinese society slipping itself into brutal and bloody muslim.God, no one could save China nowadays except the Son. grant me the authority and the task to extinguish the draining darkness shadowing Chinese society. let Christian ignites torch of model for sinking PRC's following. thx, dad, in this silent morning.
20/10/2015brutal reality in PRC for kind people. what a terror being in China mainland. last night I read news about intel's new product, nuc and attracted. after researched some time, I decided time to equip myself this kind of portable computing device as redundancy. computing power so important for me I never felt enough. within an hour I placed my order for an intel nuc at amazon, during my harder financial time when almost all my credit runs out and income base history unsupportive. with the exciting mood, I read a terrifying story in sinking PRC where the dominating CCP bred: 2 dogs ate out limbs of a woman who trying help a little girl endangered by the dogs at large from near residential area. no one responses for the tragedy, not the baby girl's family nor dogs' owner. the miserable woman hurted so hard she ran out of tears in hospital, upon frozen chill reality in sinful PRC. what I can do to help the poor victim? angers long time gathered in my mind against dog-a-like CCP who since its birth targeting human and people as prey, and only thing they care is shotgun and bullets controlled to disarm and disabled common Chinese. when Obama yarned his failure to ban American people buying guns freely, I laughed the stupid and treator-a-like partisan his ill will never means to strongthen herotic American but the contrast. only weak Chinese prohibits arming themselves against evil, acted like worms and crippled in dust. tools, not human, changes the world on the earth. but some nations, like Chinese in sinking PRC, still in primitive fighting with bare hands and fingernails. they r enslaved by their sinful leader and government like labor ants or bugs neutralized for worn out, left the latter weaponized to teeth and monopolized. dogs in PRC mostly a second weapon for most of richer persons, who mostly insanely hostile to their patriots, neighbors, or citizens counter. those dwarfs competingly admire large and brutal dogs. most terrifying de facto nowadays is disabled news/media utility in society, allow the mob destroyed credit or memories about people's behavior. bad guys not need pay their hurts and killings, good people suffer for their properness and merits. the whole cycle/community darkly doomed, for no sight, no focus, but devastatingly scattered and erectless. the charging hand, CCP, itself a beast, a dog whose only doctrine is meat and corpse. only proof it accepts for their wrongness is their bloody death, their turndown by massive violent outburst. their mindless has to be preyed by mind, by soul which is holy. this dawn I dreamt blew half chest of a heavy nut by planting bomb in it. the bomb successfully clear half room for my usage. some of my once colleagues in QRRS appeared in my dream. when I mindly blogging on bed, the brutal story of the poor kind woman attacked and fatally damaged by loose dogs filled me with sadness and angers upon sinking PRC. the event happened 4 days ago, yet no formal reference in public nor official. CCP usually annually promotes national moral idol, why not this case? for they fear the failure of social enabling, failure of dangerous animals' control, failure of unity of citizen, fear failures harms their fake well-organized social architecture. they fear of frustrations Chinese people gathered in these decades. they fear responsibility and its consequence. God, dad, only Chinese government tried all means to disable its people for maximize its interests. guns only righteous when it used to defend oneself and should defend one's independence forever. dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China to straighten holy way for tormented Chinese. bring my girls and our offspring for the glory ahead. grant me financial plenty to cope my expanding business here. thx, dad.
Photo Description: snack with son, woz, Hope of China, in Qiqihar Supermarket, before join cinema at its 6th floor. we had favorite Taiwanese ice drink. here benzrad, the proud dad, in his son's focus.