Thursday, March 26, 2015
26/3/2015dreamt of flying.::these 2 weeks in turbulence. I moved to new apartment, in QRRS Dorm 1st. at first I thought I was chosen only for improving environment, which neat but insufficient heat let it cold. then next few days almost all the dorm 3rd residents moved here. the criminals tentatively don't flush toilet and bully again bring brutality and tensions here: frequent noises, savagery attitude in common bathroom. my neighbor room is the toilet, half built a shelter occupied by cleaner who is a fat woman and stupid peeking young men's private life for her emptiness. the facing door resides a man with bone problem which let him can't stand chest upright but cater to inflexible backbone and couch all time lest pains. he likely also enjoys alone his room, while most dorm rooms shared by 2 or 3 young workers of QRRS, but also more and more local mafias seizes berth here. my apartment windows a lovely small yard with some tall trees, but over a street there is 2 elders' gate ball playground. in the past week those aimless elders remind me what futile life looks like. the room facing northeastern, never a direct sunshine enters, except in morning half of hour some small red spots on wall aside of my bed around 7am. I had to watch sunshine outside to sense the brilliance of fine weather if I trapped by the apartment coming year. the gay, last night an American Movie remind me his dwarfism like abnormal short legs, projecting forehead, pestered me a few days, by stalking me. some days ago it even followed me alone into washing room and stared at me when I fetched hot water. I cursed in air and it stopped the beast for a day. then next day when I daily rambled after dinner it pursued me again and again next day. it tried all means to annoy me, to frustrate me. in the process I gradually had insight plots from higher order, in QRRS, in sinking tyrant of PRC. these nights I also had trouble to fall into sleep. in this dawn I dreamt flying again. its like electromagnetic skating, demands smooth breath, balanced firm while steady boost. my passed dad, God in Heaven now, smiled and encouraged me by his present noticed. I later even can carry my son to fly. we passed a 2 or 3 boys dancing band in their school. one of them tried drug for his better performance and likely addictive. its a sunny morning and I enjoyed canteen breakfast without been stalked. girls in the dorm last night shared the washing room with me when I peed for sleep, its so sweet among shits of gays.isn't it my nightmare to vanish? isn't my private life, peaceful and fruitful, commencing? dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China. bring my new family, my offspring when it matters most. grant us free debt, joy of being gifted. thx, Father.
16/3/2015dreamt of PRC's general & diplomatic minister, Chen. :: in dawn dream saw family life of Chen Yi, general and diplomatic minister of new PRC. he and his wife on vacation tour. his son likely friend of us. a film director, Feng Xiaogang, also appeared and commented like all his famous acid remarks. the freak gay in dorm still stalked me like a ghost. this morning he suddenly sit on my next table when I ate my breakfast, and tentatively walked in front of me when I left, even I lingered quite awhile after the insane left his table.God, the dorm director promised me I will move to another dorm among QRRS 3 dorms. any other dorm environment better than current one. the director said it should done latest in July. God, dad, rid me off these abnormal persons sooner. they broke hot water tank and other common utilities in the dorm, don't flush toilet, slam doors in front me, humiliate me with gay signals for so many times. yesterday my son and I equipped first time with our own bath bag, which costs us ￥100 and stylish. we brought shampoo by them to dico's to eat lunch before showering in public spa. we had good time in the Taiwan franchise restaurant. woz's pad has more new games I prepared for his play. my son asked me to spend more time with him in Sunday and we both made proud progress in video games each. my game and gamepad skill improved a lot in these years with my son's companion, who instills confidence and meaning of better performance in simulation like games as important as big business in the traditional world. the night in dorm I didn't watch video, but just roamed. thx God, glory of Son fulfilled me with faith. dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China into my new family. bring my girls and my new offspring under beautiful day light. grant me passing through monthly credit load successfully. thx, dad.
13/3/2015dreamt of lesbians in my old family. ::recently I quite times reviewed my old family. my mother who had tendency of lesbian and later encouraged my dad adopted his young apprentice who accompanied my dad for more than dozen years and finally tried to slight my dad lately. she wanted the gay apprentice serving my dad instead of her, who long time rendered caring my dad as boring and loathed for chores. her usual trick was turning herself sick and bed bound. but my dad seldom noticed and scorned her to resume our normal family life. my dad told me the apprentice tempted to kiss him when I buzzed him. I called the sick apprentice next day as a warn and told my dad who reached out me my action to fix. my dad almost unable to believe my helping hand, assured twice by me the call in the phone. that was months before his passing by the world he manifests so brilliant to me, his 3rd son. so many years my mother selling her cheat: she claimed the apprentice treats my dad well, sent him gift money, usual ￥50 annually without break, and I never found the fog that she wanted my dad gay, to spare her lesbian inclination. my grand dad never took it, but just let it go. he usually don't respond the gay apprentice babbles and fell into sleep soon, while the gay stayed lately in my parents' room, esp when I returned to hometown during school vacation. my mother has a sinful mind. this dawn I dreamt of my hometown again, my sister-in-law, IE. my 2nd elder brother's wife, a die hard lesbian, made our neighbor surrendered by her bitchiness. being a whore, a shameless dirty animal she drained my old family steps by steps. she also likely humiliated my first love, girl Lyu when she visited our house bravely without notification back to our senior middle school. for no spare room, she was arranged to sleep with my sister-in-law who just married my brother. my girl Lyu never returned to me after the night slept in our house. the sister-in-law even seduced her dog, which let my brother wanted to kill but it fled. these undercover events evaded me for years, but now emerging in the curse dooms my unsuccessful marital life. God, dad, in ur sunshine I baptized. bring me sooner my Royal China, my Crowned Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko. bring my girl Lyu, girl Zhou, girl TW, and our robust offspring. let us pave ur road on the earth, dad, God.
10/3/2015dreamt of house and garden.:: seemingly lots time passed during these colorful activities with my son, woz, ending lunar spring holiday including cinema, shopping Walmart, dine out. I even less work log at rememberthemilk.com, for life so wonderful when U just taking things u like, with adequate financial support. woz previously less attracted by android games, but since last Sunday the situation improved, with new games I prepared him rather than encourage him hunting in google play store on his own. my sinful 2nd elder sister 2nd time told me she will loan me ￥1000 but the bait yet at large. so many cheap souls in my circle, God! meantime the weather, esp spring sunshine fills my heart with anthem of glory, and hope of new settlement. in dawn dream I busy with decorating our house, likely with once intimate 2 girls in my life, Liu or son's mom. I again don't act arbitrarily, trapped by financial dependence or son's mom's insane orthodoxy in guise. then with my son, woz, hope of China, God of universe, we gardening in our yard. my son enjoys the grass, bees, while I busy digging coins from soil where neat and solid. there is another kid unknown there. after breakfast in canteen, I reckon time to allow these golden memories harvests in my cyberspace. God, dad, these days more buffeting upon my faith. God, I cherish current golden silence before even greater glory ahead. God, don't leave me idle, leave me engaged. bring me sooner my girls, my Royal China. let me raise my sons sooner. thx, dad.
Posted by benzrad zhu at 9:15 AM
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
25/2/2015call it a spring festival.:: this post is for passed lunar spring festival. so many hopes fulfilled, while still so many uncertainty drives me restless. we thankful for God's mercy, and looking breaking through barriers more gracefully. I seemingly more and more see my future new family, my children to descend.this dawn I dreamed with my old family, my sister and brothers. I dreamt masturbated 4 times and anxious how to get rid of evidence. I dreamt of my cousins, ie sons of my only aunt. later dreamt my dad's eldest brother brought his grandson visited us. I help the infant find his billiard back but he almost risking putting in his mouth.today is 1st work day after Chinese greatest traditional holiday, but the dorm canteen still out of service for inadequate customers, operational irregularity or simply lazy. Chinese used spring festival to verify their family ties, threaten outer world out of service while their inner family enjoy harvest of rich food and banquet. this silly consciousness totally blind and even more dangerous in nowadays unified world under God's shine, seamless integrated civil society. I dislike the spring festival, more clearer since last Christmas day when my family business strides with triumph. now I missing a normal breakfast but unable to have. yesterday kid brother finally remit me 2nd part loan, ￥1500, which greatly relief my anxious upon debt caused by new domain zho.io, and recent shopping Walmart with son for glorious bliss. God, dad, thx for so many dangers extinguished on the way toward Royal China. bring me sooner my girls into our new family and budding lives. grant us monuments and momentums of growth and steadiness, save unease in our hearts, ie. my son's and mine. thx for the morning light, dad.
20/2/2015dreamt of visiting American President.::this lunar new year bring me a new gift, zhone's 18th domain, zho.io. I looking after .io for some time, but reckoned it too expensive, about $60 annually to buy. but good news of my kid brother's loan boosted my confidence. within 2 days I settled it under family sites. yesterday I spent half day expanded the nammespace to facebook, google, vimeo,linkedin, etc. its first domain I didn't originally concoct, but hinted by online media. zho stands for zhong language, Chinese, or China as central country, while .io means input and output. I literally looking forward it gathers conversations between Chinese and world languages forums, esp. English which so rich, powerful and meaningful, fruitful. this dawn I dreamt US President, Obama, visiting China. I was assigned handling a site for his visit. I arranged them, the president and his chief staff officer escorting, enjoyed among crowd a scenery pond. they had good time aside water but mud hopelessly stained their shoes. after they changed shoes, I managed the president autograph 8 or 10 books for holding before they left. then dreamt in a class in English exam. I can't bare lousy cheating murmurs and shift my seat to front row. my senior middle school alumnus, Wang Zaohui, and my once girl friend in Nanikai Univ, Liu Shuyun, among those mocking me during the test before monitoring teacher appears. their jeers led me irresolute. Its a pale morning of second day in lunar new year. I hope tomorrow I can fetch my son do monthly noble life experience, ie, cinema, Walmart, dine out, visiting my dorm. uncertainty is if those services resume then in the boring long traditional Chinese holiday. God, I need more 2-3000 RMB to stay debt free upon beginning lunar 2015. grant me embracing time ahead fearlessly. bring me sooner my Royal China to cultivate in time for agriculture. show my Crowned Queen, Asoh Yukiko, from Japan, road to me and our family preset. thx, dad God.
2/14/2015dreamed of being intern of google. ::and finally I have my 3rd credit card, an ICBC multi-currency, mastercard jointly powered credit card. its swift for the issuer to deliver to me. when I bitingly waiting for it, I sometimes felt the tiny card shinier than my life so far wanting. even several day in my purse, I keep checking it every few hours to assure its in my blood, my financial life. soon after gained it, I equipped my son, woz's google play with it as payment method. it also powers woz's paypal, our localphone subscription auto-renewal. God, isn't it in good circumstance? hope I will never spoil trust in credit from the bank. in this dawn I dreamt worked in google, lengthily about its free meals. I also got insight upon its corporate operation and enterprise culture phenomena. so many promising quality I entrust it, google! smart automation, moral right, real intimate user experience, pivoting ambition & envision, etc. God, save google from mediocre by metabolism, like Brin who screwed up google glasses and far from cool personal lifestyle. upon my credit card deficit, ￥8000, my kid brother and sinful 2nd elder sister promised loaning me, but the sluggish brother broke his word timing several times. that quite frustrating, or what he intended to defy me? now I had to maintain the debt like a burden. God, dad, why my brother so acid in his claimed helping? what hurts him and let him dart like snake reward? isn't the losing strategy harnessed by China surveillance to crash my hopeful? to testify my gracious road under shrine? God, dad, in this soon to be shiny morning I pray, as so many answered falselessly, grant us debt barrier breaking, like yesterday's bonus ￥1300 from QRRS, my once and long time employer. grant me work space and sustainable energy to polish royal way toward my new 1109 years Empire of China in title Zhu. dad, God, empower us to see through Chinese spring festival and bond in Christian holiday. bring world peace and unity love and caring society. thx, dad.
10/2/2015gay in dorm stalks me. ::last week an ugly fat sissy beast with abnormally short legs open challenged me with his gay. he tentatively met me in washing room and toilet many occasions. this Monday even I got up irregularly, and went to downstairs to teeth-brushing to avoid the nasty gay whose dorm facing the washing room, he still caught me in floor 2nd washing room. he must have access to webcams supervising dorm corridors, or somebody cooperated him. at first I thought the guy must be emotional disabled, or an idiot intelligently, but this Sunday when I just returned to dorm after reunited my son, the gay just walked in front of me in dorm corridor, glaring and swaggering, I at once informed that the gay was thought-through and well prepared to humiliate me. he is sinful and viciously. even likely others evil conspired with him, he must clear on all the possible consequence. otherwise it can't be so shameless explicit/pompous. last weekends I let my son know the gay affair. we retried the video game, Gatling gears. the game once challenged us so much, but this time with improved gamepad skill we finished all levels in half day. my son's pad finally got all new games from google play, such a relief after brutal extravagant PRC all blocking! the night I slept deep, till 8:20am I woke up and missed breakfast. Monday I read some articles online, mostly rest in roaming in dorm. near dinner time I impulsed to charge woz's google play another $100 via taobao where a vendor offer ￥20 discount, priced ￥600. in the night I dreamt with my son, woz, in a hotel he seemingly familiar. he felt hungry and sought food from the rooms in the hotel. I accompanied him walk through rooms, including staff cabinet, where later a man slept there woke up. I more or less blamed my son using the hotel without permission in advance, and I more and more anxious about outdoor threats through the door under blue mid night light, like video game scenes of zombie apocalypse. later dreamt a family migrated from southeastern China, like many business people from there whose economy earlier developed than other parts of China. the husband, wife, and only daughter lived in jammed residential area. there house just behind a cesspit and very foul. I likely acquainted with the man but can't help much to remove their discomfort. on way to breakfast, which is satisfying for an empty stomach, 2 magpies loudly croaked on trees in dorm garden. I then made a wish that my ICBC credit card arrives sooner. God, dad, lunar Spring Festival due next Wednesday, grant us a peaceful while meaningful holiday. rid me off dirty and psychopaths. consolidate us with hopes saint and faith in U. thx, dad God.
Posted by benzrad zhu at 8:05 AM