brillant sunshine, real summer

these day were bright sunny days since the Chinese traditional Dragon Boat Day. i slept a lot in office, esp. in the morning. i don't know what frequent doze meant to me, but i decided to let it go, as God's setting. baby these days liked to try a painting software, refused frequently my request to play large game in which he can't master those keyboard shortcuts. last night i again dreamed of God's way and baby moved from his bed aside our bed to sleep aside me. i know God sees. in office the guy who previously a blue collar worker, stayed on his seat reading and frequently challenged me. i sometimes had to defend and blocked his prevailing. the environment was united against me, all local hooligans. they sometimes aiming my baby and tried to threatened me via my baby, but i determined to trust God.

its a nice dusk. i wondering if i play some large game alone, or do some task ahead, and finally i chose latter. i really want to game, but just too busy with normal stuff.

ok , that my day. i will try some games alone, with free time. attached photo was baby in dusk.

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bright holiday

its likely the first Chinese traditional holiday the China authority adopted to return to its culture essence. its dragon boat Day according Chinese calendar and said in the day we remember the passed patriot of Chu country, located in my home town Hubei Prov., central China, in about 300 BC. in this aspect i can assert that China history if not stemmed from then at least including history and culture of Changjiang river territory. i m proud of being an ancestor of Chu tribe and nation. my baby's mid name also exactly Chu, to memorize our ancestor who love war and war machine. ema bought some zongzi, rice wrapped by leave. she then brought baby haunting her mother's house recently just finished redecoration. i busy with sorting and catalog picture assets newly got from the p2p networks. pc hanged several times since i launched catalog. and now i had to manually adding folder by folder.

its a nice holiday. we enjoyed 3 days vacation. what i can afford for holiday is suffering online. any activities can correlate with expense, which limited me. i tried to chatted with home town folks via qq, a Chinese im, but these days they seemingly hated me and i only got cold shoulders. but i love this holiday. in the morning after ema left with baby i felt boring and dozed. that let me wondering if i was alone after baby and ema left me aside if i would bond with endless sleep. i in fact sometimes review my retired life, for i was left to be idle so many years under China surveillance. i might enjoyed more time to be free, but i also might be too lonely to make fun and concerned.
baby returned from outside with his mother. so nice to see him. that's my world so bright so far. i love my God and his setting on me. song to heaven. bye.

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cloudy days

these days i dozed a lot in office, esp. in the morning. sometimes most of the morning sleeping sitting on chair. i gradually gave up defense against sleepiness, i even wondered dream was God's bless for people imperiled. after sleep, esp. after enough sleep i felt peaceful and acute in mind. previously sometimes i doubted in the belief that if i sleep exaggerate then the beloved of mine will suffer sleeplessness. but now i gradually entreat my cares and anxiousness to God, God in my home and nearby me, i felt i should concentrate on my own task here on the earth and do it hard. last time before i fell into asylum, i mainly can't afford the missing of the girl i loved, and my dearest baby whose suffering in my live imaginary broke my heart likes the last straw on the horse. i love my baby more than i can say. i know he was endorsed with God, all his being on the earth were perfect. but yet i felt i can't see the evil around him and had to try to extend my protect rid him of dirt and insanity. we live now in a insane family, whose members mostly in dark of hatred and abnormal. they live in years in shadow and shrew and sins. even ema, my baby's mother, can't stand in shine. she live in deep dark and shut up for hope of baptism. i don't know why my baby born in this strange family, where i was cheated and suffered so far. baby, my baby, i know u r God himself. i know u judge and continue to judge. let evil to hell and bright to shrine. God, i know my baby son, my dearest under ur cares and intact in any animosity and imperiled environment. he rise to finish the task of starting our dynasty of 1109 years and hell the evils. God, i m not crying for u help, i know u let me utter here my anxiousness and glorify the process of your son's rising on this scarred silent land.

this noon when i arrived home, baby cried miserably in the arms of the grandma. he refused my open arms to hold him. i know the evil woman was hell dirty, i know only God cares and protects u now when ur mother and i absent. ema, ur mother, refused my suggestion to care u more in work time, she just too jealous and doomed to suffer losing now and then and forever.

God, show me ur shine and let me live in peace with my task here. i live with my baby and God in him. let he beam and shrined, like morning star on the sky untouchable.

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benzillar's blogroll 06/04/2008

• beinzh, burning people in destructive nation

  tags: beinzh, China, sites, google