since last resort.

Aug 24, 2015

dreamt of Japanese murdering. in dawn dream, some Japanese girls likely actress I followed in google+ appear. some of them fell into love and let me admire. then saw gangsters in Japan. a short boy commanded his pals throw a victim into lake, then electricized the water. the victim likely shocked and paralyzed. when crowd approached to the crime scene, I woke up and don't know death end or just pains as punishment. yesterday my kid brother contacted me, first by sms asking if I need to buy anything on him. I blamed him always likes to do the less money intensified tasks, rather than directly give me loan. God, I don't know where his mercy came from, but I told him my review of his bravery: 3 times saved me from asylum by led me out of the insane treatment there. I said he doesn't owe me but I owe our dad for his late youngest boy, my kid brother and his helping hand. then my brother called in, allow my detailed explanation how my life wonderful, meaningful and thankful. after the conversation he dropped me another ￥2000 in a year. I paid back my credit with the aid at once, left less than 9,000 on account yet to pay, but minimum of the month covered. last week I first time realized I need slow down my living rhythm to outrun a marathon to see out my son's growing up, till his marriage, his social presence. I had tried to present my son best of mine, it more or less exhausted me. aging put me into more and more naps. but I need a strategy to outpost our situation agile around the full journey on the earth before we settle in God's shine. every day bites me, maintains me in hope and endure. I need plan to cope the worn out. God, dad, I still in faith of my new family, my girls and my offspring arriving. grant me Royal China to home my family. bring me insight upon development of my business, democracy of China. thx, dad, this cool morning before breakfast spiritual.

Aug 19, 2015

dream of vocation. dreamt being a writer works with colleagues. then a girl newly joined.her handwriting is awesome, but only me appriciated. she makes every Chinese character glows in its center, like a ripple there. then dreamt of my writing procedure which later turns successful. these weeks mostly puffing busy. I finally setup all newly equipped gears mostly purchased from united state working, except chromecast which unable to connect google to update its firmware, nor casting functional. China surveillance formidable choking, prolonged my efforts to activate our cherished google products. the most exciting for me is woz equipped with dell chromebook 11 touch, which likes a gift celebrates son's independence/maturity. while in woz's view, he mostly cheers up by the new nexus 7 tablet, whose brand new android 5 interface, like google now, attracted any potential mind about artificial intelligence. it also rid him off frustrations on his old intel cpu asus fonepad which quite some cases incompatible with android games in google play. now the intel based tablet shifted to me, and I glad to experience a portable touch pad. since last Sunday I started to setup google services on it and now mostly ready, excepted google play store deadly blocked.God, so many unease upon overseas purchases and PRC's customs' seizure, now all fautless arrived under China ambiguous arbitrary prohibition. thx, dad, now my debt to bank mounts to more than ￥20,000, all my credit cards near stalemate. grant me freedom of financial aplenty.grant us lifestyle we enjoy so far. God, bring me sooner my Royal China to home my family, my girls and our offspring under most glorious dome. in coming monthly gathering in the week with my son, woz, Hope of China, God of Universe, enrich us with affordable shopping and delicacy. thx, dad God.
Photo Description: a late summer dusk, woz with his proud dad's companion skated in his mom's community. past month witnesses successful overseas purchases as gift for his growth.
Photo Description: a golden dusk on way benzrad daily jog after dinner, near QRRS front plaza.

Aug 8, 2015

dreamt of respective leader in QRRS.::this week my son stayed with me in my QRRS dorm, for his mom again traveled. I subscribed boarding with canteen and lunch contractor for a week, cost ￥170. the lunch server accompanys his son tour on Tuesday so we dined out 2 days before woz returned to his mom's custody. his mom actually returned on Friday, earlier 2 day than exclaimed. my son played video games, watched web TV a lot. he more and more askes my companion in game and entertainment, so I gave him a lesson of independence.he ate less in canteen but enjoyed bread meal in addition KFC he chosen.its an important journey for both of us in this week reunion. this dawn I dreamt one of CCP cadre in QRRS rarely respective, Zhou Kaiming, with whom I reached out for help when disputed with once departmental leader and been punished almost jobless, twice when I failed finding another job and returned to QRRS just after I left asylum. also to whom I asked to introduce girl Zhou, for whome I launched blogging after her departure from QRRS Dorms after her apprentice in her senior university year, to me but unavailable and absent at last graduate employee year end party I ever joined in QRRS back to 2009 or so.then dreamt my oldest nephew, son of my eldest sister, treated me well. he didn't help me much in real life.God, dad, the last gift in the pack to improve son's study and entertainment environment arriving, a google nexus 7 tablet. speed up delivery and break barrier to access google play store and other wonderful services. my son looking for it hardly, doesn't under-expect him. bring me sooner my Royal China to space my adventure promoting democracy in China, shelter sinking PRC and Chinese in God's shine. thx dad, after all these turbulence overseas purchases none failed me.

Aug 1, 2015

dreamt of strange marriage.::yesterday I visited my son as holy urged. I'm a bit loathing to do just after lunch but it turned out very productive. I first shifted my bankcomm credit card from woz to my own holding, now that he has another Postal Saving Bank credit card for daily usage. woz admitted it. than I turned talkative while my son writing his homework. I reported him recent interesting stories from news I read in the week, commented with my world view. I babbled almost 3 hours, till my son finished his homework and played video games alone. I urged him making good usage of new dell chromebook 11' touch. when his mom returned to home and drove us outdoor, I brought my son dined out in our favorite restaurant near railway station. I fed him while he busy on his android pad game. I told him merit of Japanese after I learned from watching Japanese TV soaps, unease life of scholarship disclosed from US TV drama, etc. returned to dorm, I myself wondered how much I narrative and resourceful as workout of my daily readings. the night I felt relentless. in dawn dream I dreamt one of my colleague who died in his mid-age when I worked for QRRS cable TV station. he is editor chief of the state-owned-enterprise cable TV, and almost famous within the company for his writing, for official statements, annual year end party and any enterprise cultural carnival anchoring speech. when I worked indirectly under his command, I sensed his bitter frustration as stalemate in career, lack of tech and engineering. he died overnight without any omen nor bedridden. he earlier divorced youth romantic lover then married another woman with a step daughter. his beloved daughter in his first marriage sent by him to China Liberty Army. when she left the service she settled in a middle size city southerner than Qiqihar but still in northeastern China. her wedding ceremony helped by most of her passed dad's former colleagues but not me. I narrowly avoided it among my jobless status in QRRS. I dreamt in dawn I married with the girl and same time married with another girl. my 2 family mirrors parallel in space. we had a boy and he is just smart and sound as expectation. the dream is vivid and lengthy but now I forgot most of it. next week my son will stay with me in my dorm, for his mom again travels.God, grant us a working chromecast which still blocked by China censorship from connecting and no functional. bring us sooner woz's new nexus 7 tablet which now stopped by customs after left Hongkong for more than a week. bring me sooner my Royal China to home my children and aging me.consolidate 2 bank credit limits from temporary to permanent. thx dad, in this silent morning.