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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

pale sunshine

yesterday i read a lot of 'be friend with god' and found myself missing.in the night i laid it off and doubting its holy message that to be is quicker than to think to be or to do.then i felt the world i encountered before my 3 times falling into asylum sieged me.but i m surer that's my being,my being as Man's Son to survived myself like wild beast,fight for mates with teeth and paws.and the harsh rule to judge myself with the world i took and offer earthly.the situation i viewed for more than one time,and i know its not kidding.i can't live with love for all human,like god in buddism or in the book of 'communication with god',rather,i chose my god as christian,stern and demanding obey.i lived with rule,with oath and base,i only love my being,my own being,my owning and being.i love my family,like love myself,for only by this i know i m son of god.discipline and simple,that's the way i follow my god.i can judge nobody but my fellows,my family member.i love them with my loving method.in the night i restless and even want to go to the asylum and stay there for refuge.fate justfied me merciless and i just felt left so lonely in dark,i brewing for help but i can't ask for.then in a rush i pick the quilt of my baby and headed to my baby's mother's home after 11 pm,i guess.i slept there sound.in the morning my baby cried for my cares woke me up.i cared him playing all the morning till 11 am we went outside to receive his mother.his mother seemingly glad.but at noon after lunch she asked me to stay in the dorm.i admitted.i held my baby outside toddling for about half and an hour then we returned.on the entrance of the building a road cleaner frequently acquainted us sat aside the road and i let him picked some candy i bought for my baby but my baby felt wrongdid onto him and cried in anger.then i promised i wouldn't did it forever.
qrrs,my once working place,offered me 200 yuan as holidays' bonus.i suggested my baby's mother leaving me 100 yuan for my expense on internet for my baby likely won't let me use pc there but she prefered to store for needs.i admitted.the project of renovating the tree yard of the dorm zone still underwent and they laid down 2 big and old trees and let me cursed at once in my heart.sure they r beast,or insect,but now that i myself love the living and spirit of beast so i won't comment more.battle field among human and beast and evil and alien not alien in games, i think i can see it in real.
bye.i love u.i know u r interacting with me.kiss u with moist.

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