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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

withering sunshine

last night i read in the dorm till 0:13 am.dog around bited furiously.i lost sleep all the night.i had pills and urined as usual,but just after i settled on bed i had need to urine.i guessed that's not real and i thought i'd better endured it for my baby.so i sleeplessly.in late night the neighbor hooligans still made cracks with their chair or something,likely stayed there sleeplessly.in the process i saw the plot of dog to weave a web to trap me into the asylum and there they took full control of my life,from eating to sleeping to medicine to communication,in which they can plot and execute evil onto me without obvious obstacles.their aim was to whitewashed my mind and my name from the world.but they just unable to do as they liked.i got up at 7:13 am and went to see my baby at once.my baby vomitted in the mid night and let his mother restlessly these days.when i arrived he was held by the kid sister feeding while watching tv.my baby was motionless to me.so i went to the room wondering if i can do some works first on pc.but my baby asked for my caress and let the kid sister at a loss.the full day my baby didn't leave my caress.he just loathed to walk or play with his own.he shitted 4 times with watery shits.he suffering.his mother let us not to receive her at noon.so we stayed at home in the morning.at noon the kid sister of his mother arrived.i disliked her for her behavior since i engaged with her elder sister.she seldom ate at home while her financial position was shabby.i mean,she likely frequently accompany some rich men to eat outside,at least those can afford her a treat.her last visit,dated the day before yesterday,brought some grapes with which i tasted some and likely so did my baby.and i shitted waterily last night,too.in my view she just too wicked,like her mother's family.the afternoon she slept in the quilt in the room for my baby and now occupied by the kid sister of my baby's mother's mother,watching movies on her elder sister's notebook.later the kid sister of her mother also slept on the same bed.i had to admit she was not nobody,she let me felt in the hell for unconfortable and sleepy.my baby played with tapwater and cooking utensil and grid frame of window and torch,but he also finally felt boring and slept.i slept aside my baby.my baby woked up 2 times with cries.after finally got up i still felt faint and lack of energy.my baby also loathed to play on his own.after 5 pm the kid sister left.after another an hour i held my baby to receive his mother,against her warn.my baby directed me visited a grocer shop along the road where we haunted a lot in summer but seldom recently.we chatted with the boss couples.my baby asked me to buy him a little bag of dry beef and we entered the school for a lot of persons likely students' parents entered by their bikes.a cop card ported outside the door,it my second time seeing it ported there.my baby got energetic and talkative in his mother's arms.it really let me happier.

dog likely weaving its web to trap me into prison or asylum,same place to let me disappear.i had not worry or hindersight.my sleep can be ruined without routine pill which now in my open drawer in the dorm free to replace,but i had long time waited for god not to let me live with it and its in fact the cause of my second falling into asylum for not taking pills for i think its unnature.maybe i lived with less time to sleep,like Nash,the famous physisist survived mental disease without taking pills.

tonight,no matter how distorted by the unnamed unease,or just can't sleep,i live in god's sight and ready for god's call.that's absoluteness.

bye.i love u.kiss u with bear.i hope i deserve a snow tonight.kiss u with baring.

a old shot uploaded.

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