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Monday, December 18, 2006

a sunny cool day


my grand father,as my kid brother who returned to our hometown from guangdong,south china where he tried to find a living there,told me when i buzzed in after dinner for 3 times,2 times occupied,has passed.i never felt a pain so far.i just felt pity,for both of us.i admired to show him i can with my best to appease him,for so many years since my growth he kept silence to my performance,i want to show him i faith to him and deep love him and worshiped him.many times recently i want to talk to him but always retarded by the inconvinience as my mother claimed that he was on bed for coldness in hubei prov.quite sometimes i want to let myself remembered to buzz him better in afternoon for at that time he likely will get up and my mother also suggested a time in a phone that she can wait for my phone in that period time in a day but i constantly forgot to buzz in afternoon,ie,in sunshine.long time i missed his youth and middle age years as legends in the heaven,in the road straightened for god.


my kid brother told me my grand father left around 2 pm,at that time i fought with dog's blocks my upload my backup of blogwriter.exe and firefox with plugins i needed for a convinient working environment to my google account less i had to bring udisk or some cafe refuse udisks.they let me spent an additional hour here a dirty cafe.at that time my grand father watching my restless struggles with pests and he can know the world he was to is rather easy with handling these kind of rubbish.he can know his son doomed to clean the kind of rubbish from his land,his kingdom in half of an century,with his grandson,with his ever prosporous offspring,with the behalf of his glory.god,u know even in this saint moment dog still biting me.in a heaven u know i needn't move a finger of mine to let them evaporate like fog in bubble,but now on this futile earth i had to conbat with full of my source.on this land of dog stained and evil poluted,i need ur guide and companion,as i dreamed for many times.in a conversation in later summer,i asked u in the phone where i can find u after u left,u didn't reply,or i can't hear what u told;in a talk in a phone i asked if u r in family name of zhu as me,u didn't reply or i can't hear what u told.i at least gain ur help when i lost assurance after thiefs in the dorm let me cold and leaking,u told me it doesn't matter.i recovered the next day.


father,my god,u held dear ur comments onto me so much,let me grown sound and selfrelied.so many years u let me wonder at large,letting me so many years later retrospect ur road and followed ur footsprint for ur source,ur memory in the world,ur testimony upon the visible and sensible as god's singularity.god,less the world doesn't memory,less the men don't reason,u r always in my heart.i m ur son,ur third son,as u r the third son of my grandfather.i picked ur figure and ur face shape ,i admire i m urs.i took ur dream,took ur vow,i took the kingdom of u,i picked the land u seeing and let it blossoms like forever spring and summer in the most serene valley,that's my vow,my deed of u.


god,if there is a way,god,if there r reasons.if there is a sideway to ur front,if there is a channel can talk to u.god,my father,if i can hear u,if i can serv u.god,let me know.let me know where i can touch u,god.god,u holy spirit shrined me everytime,but i still need to talk with my father,with my dear father silent so many years.god,i follow ur way without any hesitation,god,i listen ur command without any obscure.god,i need seeing my father,my god.god,in this position i stood too long,god,i need appeasing my father his proud his proud.god,if there is a way,god,if there r reasons.


god,i don't know how many year i will kept my sorrow for not attending my father's leaving,i don't know pains will how tear my heart for missing him,my grand father.god,i know ur mercy to all these.


bye.i love u,dear zhou,my girl,my long waited my second wife to appease my grand father but failed.i love u.kiss u with heart.